Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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