IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
