College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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