Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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