do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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