i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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