i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
