i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
