Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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