Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize