it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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