I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
