I think i sorta joined a cult last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
