he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What drink are we having for lunch?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
