Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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