Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
