don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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