i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My hand turned me down
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
