My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
