So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
