i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
