I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize