respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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