went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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