Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
