does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
