i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
