I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
