i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
