Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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