There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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