final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
