Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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