I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
