Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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