I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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