Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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