Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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