That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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