Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
