I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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