I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
