Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
