marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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