she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
