I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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