ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
