When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
