Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
