she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize