Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize