hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
