Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
