I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
