what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
