I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
