I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
