Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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