In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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