girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
