I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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