I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Acid is not a monday night drug
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
