Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
