Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
