you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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