addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
