Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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