fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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