The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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