I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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