ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
