No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
