Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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