I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
