did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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