well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
