The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
