Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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