That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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