I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My ass is underappreciated
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize